It Might matter...
HAPPY ELECTION NIGHT INTERNETS!!! Republican, Democrat, Independent, Green, Whig, or whatever...I think we can agree on one thing tonight. THANK FREAKING GOD CHRISTINE O'DONNELL DIDN'T WIN.
As I sit here alone, yelling things at the TV, trying to get Dean to be interested in politics, I find myself wishing that JP was not such an anomaly in the world of Politcos in the sense that most people our age that are working in politics don't have significant others. While JP has been gone I long for a community of wives, husbands, fiances, girlfriends, and/or boyfriends to commiserate with as we lose our partners to the election cycle every 2 to 4 years. My only comfort is that someday I'll be a seasoned veteran at this and I'll be able to host BITCHING election night parties for people who don't have to spend the entire night chained to their victory centers. In fact, anyone out there in the DC area who wishes they had some company on election night, COME TO MY PLACE IN 2012. We'll party down...seriously...it will be awesome. I'll make chili...and spiked Arnold Palmers.
Tonight I offer up some tips I've picked up this year and in previous years to survive election night as someone moderately interested in what goes on in government or someone who has had politics invade their lives through a significant other. It IS possible to be mildly interested in election results without it taking over your entire life...it is not acceptable to be completely apathetic about everything! So Enjoy!
1.) VOTE. No seriously...vote right now and don't show your face until you have!
Seriously, voting is like one of the easiest things out there to do. Make sure you're registered...then go do it. If you don't, you'll be bombarded by that annoying family member, co-worker, child, street person, or blogger. Democracy is cool...AND you get a sticker. Don't even think about coming to my election-night party if you haven't voted. Maybe even do some research on what you're voting for. ITS NOT HARD PEOPLE! If the appeal to reason or laziness hasn't worked here, I'll try guilt. Everyone knows someone in the military. They're doing that for YOU. So you can go VOTE. On Election Day. JUST GO DO IT!
2.) Watch CNN on election night!
My reasons for CNN are threefold. First, of the major news networks, I think there's the LEAST bias. The have an equal number of conservatives and liberal commentators (including my odd favorite, James Carville...he looks like an Alien with a lovely southern drawl...whats not to love???) who are all very qualified and knowledgeable. They are professional and try to give you a lot of facts. You're never going to have a NON-biased media outlet, but CNN at least tries. NEXT, they have this handy easy to decipher results bar at the bottom of the screen during the broadcast AND the commercials. I'm told other networks have this too...I like CNN's because it is not too flashy and not too complex. If you like Fox's or MSNBC's...SUCK IT! THIS IS MY BLOG! FINALLY...possibly the most important reason to watch CNN...they have a MAGIC ELECTORAL WALL. Seriously, its awesome. Every result ever is there, they can pull up all sorts of historical data with the flick of Wolf Blitzer's middle finger. John King could probably pull up what undergarments John Quincy Adams was wearing the night he was elected President if he was peckish. IT'S SO COOL...and it makes all that data a lot more interesting. Also, CNN sometimes busts out some hologram technology...it happened Election Night 2008...I'm waiting for them to bust it out again. AWESOME!!!
3.) Leave your partisanship at the door
Its election night...there's nothing more anyone can do. If you know anyone who works in politics you'll notice that by Election Day, they're just begging you to vote. Election Day is about democracy, the constitution, patriotism, and participating in government. Its not going to do anything but piss people off if you trash talk like you're watching college football. Keep it pleasant and try to revel in Democracy for the evening.
4.) if number 3 fails then look to Snacks...and Booze
Everyone knows that the real reason Election Day was placed so close to Halloween is so people could get rid of that pesky leftover candy. I've finished like half of mine already tonight! Also...booze. I don't think I need to say a whole lot there. Its very OBVIOUS that any personal feelings of loss will be numbed by copious amounts chocolate and liquor. Try a snickers and a Spiked Arnold Palmer...that's how I am rolling tonight. Dean is having martinis...we are both just SLIGHTLY drunk right now. I am sipping my drink through a Mickey Mouse Crazy Straw...does that make this more family friendly? No?? MOVING ON THEN!
5.) Election Night Bingo
Seriously...google it. There are some good ones out there that are quite amusing. If you need help with #4 its generally quite easy to go from bingo to drinking games. Liven things up! Its election night!!! GO USA!!!
6.) Set a Bedtime for yourself.
Its easy to get sucked into the different races out there. Remember though, some polls don't close out west until close to midnight eastern time. These time zones...they're kind of a bitch when it comes to elections. YOU DO NOT WORK IN POLITICS DIRECTLY...that's why you get to be at home eating, drinking and being merry on election night. It also means you will most likely have a job that you'll need to be at the morning after. Accept that you can look things up on the Internet the next day. You staying up until 3 AM to see if you can smoke weed legally in CA will IN NO WAY HAVE ANY EFFECT ON THE OUTCOME of the vote. GO T O BED YOU STONER!
7.) Finally, and most importantly, remember that US politics is a pendulum that is continually swinging.
Basically, this means that if this years results hurt a little, the next major election will likely feel better. Look at this cycle...the Democrats had a super majority and this time around they probably won't have that. Who the hell knows what 2012 will bring. Each Election Night brings new and wondrous results and changes to the governments in all the various capitols and cities across the nation. Take a shot, eat some candy, rant on facebook, and/or cry in private AND THEN MOVE ON. You'll be ok...I promise.
So that's it...seven good tips to be moderately interested in elections! I hope it was helpful...or at least amusing. I'll see your asses at my place in November of 2012. Unless JP becomes REALLY important and I get to go to a fancy election night event...THEN YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN SUCKERS!!!!! Finally, I'd like to say GOOD WORK to all of you who read my blog who DO work in politics, you're all extremely passionate and dedicated patriots and I'm proud to know you. I
hope you have gainful employment tomorrow morning.
EVERYONE BE NICE TO THE POLITICOS TOMORROW...they've had a long night/month!!
Love,
Jill-ron
booring
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