I haven't been very good about keeping up with my religion since I decided the priesthood was not my calling a couple years ago. I could come up with a million excuses for this: "I haven't found the right church", "No priest has really grabbed my attention yet", or even "Meh, not feeling it today". But the reality is a combination of laziness and a feeling of distance in my connection with God.
Trust me when I say that when you come to the realization that the one constant in your life, the one calling you really felt you had is no longer your destined road... well you're going to have some serious doubts and it will take some time to figure it all out. Possibly a few years, possibly four and counting.
Anyhow, while my religious habits leave something to be desired this in no way has affected my faith or spiritual life (unless you count giving yourself ashes on Ash Wednesday from your cigar as a knock... in my defense they wouldn't let me in with the lit cigar so I sat outside the Church listening and just gave myself the ashes at the appropriate time). One thing I have always tried to do was pray. Prayer is supposed to be the most common block of a spiritual life but so often we find ourselves like the disciples who had to ask Jesus to teach them how to pray.
For some of us prayer starts out as something you said before bed with your parents standing over you and over time it becomes more rote memory than an actual conversation or devotion. I can still say my childhood "prayers" from memory even though there is no feeling or conscious thought behind them. Probably the best advice I was ever given on prayer came in the form of a homily from my oldest and closest spiritual director, Fr. Victor Hoagland CP, a Passionist priest who has been the one constant throughout my spiritual life.
Fr. Victor is the best homilist I have met, he truly makes you take a deeper look into the readings and the life of Jesus and the disciples. One homily has stayed in my mind over time and proved to be a real lesson that has changed the way I pray and interact with God. It started with a simple statement that nowadays it seems like we don't pray enough. We limit our time and conversations with God to one hour of the week, usually on a Sunday or Saturday night. Other than those "scheduled" times we rarely pray unless it is over something we need or when we are trying to make a deal with God: "Jesus if you just help me out with this one test I promise I'll go to church this week" or "I'll say ten Hail Mary's if the Sox sweep the Yankees".
Fr. Victor asked us how we thought God would react to these "prayers". God doesn't want our deals, he wants our love and friendship. How would you react if a chronic moocher asked your mom for money "just this once" and promised to send a thank you note in return this time? Additionally it would be like hearing from that "friend" of yours who only calls when they are in need of something, is that what we have reduced our relationship with God to? An "Uncle Moneybags" situation from Monopoly?
Maybe it was because I was already in an introspective mood but those words caught me off guard and I began to think rather critically about my relationship with God. Did I only pray expecting a return on my "time". Was God just a cosmic credit card for me to run up a balance against?
Fr. Victor ended the homily with a simple request he asked the congregation to pray at random times and to simply thank God for the blessings we see all around us and take for granted. This simple request revolutionized the way I prayed and talked to God, it is something I try to keep mindful of at all times.
I do not know what Heaven is like or what shape it will take, heck I don't know if I'm even headed there. I hope it is a place where loved ones are reunited, where a soul can find rest and completion, and where I might meet those relatives I never had the chance to know in my lifetime. But once more I do not know any of this.
What I am aware of is heaven on earth, those moments of bliss and happiness we can find when we simply stop and look around for them. I found one this afternoon as I sat in the warm DC weather on my camp chair, enjoying a cold beer and a Montecristo white cigar. I was simply reading my Jimmy Buffet book and enjoying life as I felt the warm breeze and sun on my skin. I watched as a family with young children headed to synagogue while other families laughed at the pool. Suddenly a sound from my childhood reached my ears, the sound of an ice cream truck and its catchy little jingle. It brought me back to when summers meant freedom and fun, no cares for at least two months and trips to camp and lakes and beaches.
These sights, sounds, and memories wiped all my cares away and at that moment I was at peace, it was heaven on earth. I looked at the pine tree lazily blowing in the wind and took in the fresh air. Right then I closed my eyes and said a simple prayer of thanks for this moment. Hours later I can list all the worries I have: money, no job, a recent engagement, no career path, weddings, upcoming travels. But at that moment I was granted a brief reprieve from all of them and I needed to thank someone for looking out for me. It made my day.
So here is a little challenge to you all, if you care to partake. Tomorrow be on the lookout for a moment of God's blessings in your life and if you find it offer up a little prayer of thanks. It doesn't need to be formal or very long, just a quick thought you send heavenward to let Him know you appreciate it. After all, there was never a "thank you" space on the Monopoly Board for free parking.
He was praying in a certain place, and when he ceased, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples." And he said to them, "When you pray, say:
‘Father, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread; and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive every one who is indebted to us; and lead us not into temptation"’ [Luke 11:1-4].
