So today in the midst of my laze-about movie fest this weekend, I put on one of my all time favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally, because this is a movie that JP refuses to watch with me (which really means that he would never choose it, but if I happened to be watching it he'd probably sit down and become quickly engrossed...one topic of an as yet unfinished blog). One of the reasons I enjoy this movie so much is that I feel (as conceited as it might sound?) that I am very similar to the character of Sally. She's neurotic, somewhat awkward, generally content with her life and gets unexpectedly feisty temper-wise throughout parts of the movie. Other than the fact that she always looks gorgeous and her hair is pretty amazing throughout the movie, I feel that if I lived in New York in the eighties we might be the same person. Inevitably this leads to me comparing Harry to JP and my relationship to this fictional one. Call me a egoist...but you KNOW you've done this at one time or another!
Anyhow I am watching the scene where Sally realizes her ex is getting married and calls Harry and he comforts her while she cries into his sweater, I sat there and realized a.) how ridiculous Meg Ryan is when she's crying and b.) how JP rarely comforts ME like that when I cry!!! A piece of information that I've possibly left out here is that I cry...A LOT. Like probably an amount that's unhealthy for me. I cry when I'm happy, sad, laughing a lot, angry, tired, hungry, confused etc. Its just like a natural response for some reason...some people yell, some people trade witty insults, some people just choose to go to sleep when feeling emotional, but I cry. I've learned to embrace it though, I have a number of strategies for dealing with this in the adult world, a.k.a. not letting everyone see me in tears all the time, and often I look forward to having a good cry. Tears have two major consequences for me: they tend to clear my head so I can think rationally and ALSO they tend to terrify the opposite sex who may or may not be trying to help me at the time.
Most of my male friends from high school and college never really knew what to do with me when I was less adept at my crying and would burst into tears in their company. JP was never like this though...though his responses to my waterworks have changed over the years. The first time I cried in front of him, he did really well! I was very homesick and he came by my dorm room to find me on the floor sobbing surrounded by letters and pictures from home. He'll be horribly embarrassed by you all knowing this, but he got down on the floor and just sort of pulled me into his lap and he let me sit there and cry on him for a good twenty minutes. We weren't even dating at this point either! It was very similar to the scene I am watching currently in the movie I just mentioned minus the whole "mistaken" romantic moment they have afterwards. Another time, shortly after that, he told me he had feelings for me (still also not dating yet) at the CUA metro station before I was to go to California for three months and I of course burst into somewhat confused tears, awkwardly hugged him and ran off to catch the train. Yet another time (make that lots of times...all while we've been dating), I was really hungry and tried for three hours to get him to make a decision about what we should do for dinner and finally burst into very frustrated tears as he just laughed and said "If you are so hungry why didn't you just get something to eat on your own." Jerk...that being said whether he's the reason, the antidote, or totally unrelated to the cause of my crying habit, he has never been terrified of the waterworks.
I think this is mostly good, but also sometimes really inconvenient! Its always nice to have someone who understands you. He generally always knows a.) when I need to cry a bit, b.) the reasons for the waterworks, and c.) when to tell me to get the hell over it and stop! Generally, this is helpful and the reason why we've probably made it through the last five years. However, the lack of tear terror means that I can't manipulate him with crying! I have to like TELL him what I actually want him to do when I'm upset either before or after the crying!!!! There's no "Oh Jill here let me make you an ice cream sundae because I desperately want you to stop crying!" or "I don't know whats wrong...here's $100 if you'll just be happy and coherent again!!!, or even, "Yes fine all right I will make dinner, clean the bathroom and massage your feet because you're sobbing over a stressful day and I don't know how else to solve your problems or get your face to stop leaking!"
**Curse you JP for actually understanding me!!! You've eliminated the tear bargaining from our relationship that I see on TV so much! How else am I supposed to get you to do what I want? Whats that?? I'm supposed to ask kindly and have rational grown-up conversations with you????? That just seems silly...oh well I suppose there are worse things right? I mean the tables could be turned and JP could be the crier in this relationship! It might make me a hypocrite, but I have to fight the urge to freak out and make Jill shaped holes in the wall whenever I encounter a GUY crying. Not that they shouldn't...I just never know what to do when a male is crying. Its probably horribly sexist of me, but there it is fellows. If you want to manipulate ME all you have to do is muster up some tears. My secret is out...I will probably be completely taken advantage of now! It probably serves me right!!!!
*No I'm not horribly upset and there was no recent incident with JP that inspired this blog...this was a totally random thought sparked by a movie I love.
**For those of you who don't know me that well...this paragraph was written SARCASTICALLY. I'm apparently not very good at sarcasm though so I just thought I'd clarify! Does the explanation make this note ironic? I really was never very good with these things...
The movie just ended by the way...I'm definitely in tears...but they're the happy kind because this movie ends really well and with one of the best movie lines ever (which also makes me think a lot of JP...do you think I'm *gasp* missing him????)
Harry: "I love that you get cold when its 71 degrees out. I love that you take an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night! And its not because I'm lonely and its not because its New Years Eve. I came here tonight because when you realized you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible!"
Sally (while crying...of course) : You see, that is just like you Harry! You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you! And I hate you Harry...I really hate you.
*Passionate New Years Eve kiss while crying*
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