Man Gripes: Bed Issues!

Houston, we're having some problems...in the bedroom. They've been going on for quite sometime now and frankly I need some advice.

This picture always makes me laugh when I see it in theaters

Grossed out yet...well stop it! I promise that this blog will remain strictly PG-13 (because I like to swear and I totally feel like children under 13 should be supervised by a parent when reading Dysfunctionally Functional) but these little snags are just too ridiculous to not share in public on this blog. JP and I currently have a cover war of EPIC PROPORTIONS going on and it needs to find a peaceable end soon...or I'm going to freeze.

JP will literally get into bed and WRAP himself in the covers. Its ridiculous people...it's like he's trying to build himself a cocoon of down comforter and my suffering. Furthermore, he secures his cocoon by literally laying all of his body weight on the end of the cover making it next to impossible to wrest any sort of blanket or sheet back to my side of the bed. I frequently have to stand on the floor next to the bed and yank on the blankets or poke him mercilessly in the back of the head every two hours to get this sleeping man-beast to shift enough for me to seize some covers.

FURTHERMORE, when I go to bed first, (making sure to arrange the comforter so he will have ample covers to stay warm when he comes to bed) I now have to clutch the edge of the blanket in an unbreakable death grip so as to prevent the cocoon-roll of doom that will happen when he gets into bed. This often results in a large space over the middle of the bed where the covers have been pulled taut. As I was writing this I felt like this sounded confusing...so I drew you a picture on a post-it note below...enjoy.

I clearly have too much free time...

Long story short...I sort of miss the days where I could create my own little nest of pillows and blankets in the center of the bed (because it was just me in it!) and never have to worry about waking up sans covers in the middle of the night. I suppose I'll just have to become a more hardened cover warrior...and possibly keep an extra blanket in the room at night. Next time I'll do a Man Cheers! segment lest you all think that I hate living with a boy.

Until next time,
Jill-Ron