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| You mean I have to WORK for my "happily ever after" once the wedding is over? |
It was a strange engagement gift and we didn't know how to react initially to my parents suggestion. I will be totally honest with you though, in the months after this offer we had just about every emotion on the spectrum about the idea of seeing a counselor. I mean people see counselor's when they have problems...major problems right? JP and I couldn't really deny that our relationship was problem free, but up until this point we certainly had never considered couple's counseling. Plus, being Catholic, we were already going to have to deal with some sort of marriage preparation through the church. My Dad had been very adamant that we seek the services of a secular counselor rather than relying on the Pre-Cana program most Catholic churches offer, which tends to be slightly out of touch with the reality most young couples face. In the end, after roughly eight months of debate on the matter, we decided to give it a shot; after all if they were going to treat us to some head shrinking, we might as well indulge my parents.
I went to the only wedding resource I knew about at this time (The Knot...duh), did a quick search, and found a counselor who would met our needs. Hindsight being 20/20, I feel like a little more research on the topic would have yielded faster results when the counseling part started, but it all worked out fairly well in the end. In May we had our first appointment set up with Emily Cook of The Lindsey Hoskins & Associates Couples & Family Therapy practice in Bethesda, MD.
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| Throwing in a Little Product Placement... |
Sessions with Emily were interesting to say the least...and very helpful if I'm totally honest. She used a program called Prepare & Enrich which involves the couple taking a really long exam where they agree or disagree with statements about themselves, their partners and their relationship. Through some sort of therapy magic it's scored and then evaluated throughout the various sessions. I won't lie...when I first saw our scores I was pretty disturbed as they seemed to suggest very strongly that JP and I weren't compatible. I learned pretty quickly that the results were not actually saying what I thought they were saying, but that we had some real relationship issues that needed to be worked through and discussed before we married each other.
As it turns out, premarital counseling was a great choice for us and a wonderful way to start the planning process for our wedding and lives. We walked away with some great communication tools and a better understanding of each other. Having a neutral third party who knew next to nothing about either of us who could mediate some of our ongoing conflicts was EXTREMELY helpful. We also learned that maybe we won't conform exactly to what society tells us we should be like as a couple...and that this is 100% ok. Maybe some people don't need this sort of reassurance, but I definitely think it was worth it for us.
With that I must officially and publicly thank my parents for their creative and thoughtful engagement gift. Also, I'm going to give my "Jill Warne Sanctioned and Totally Legit" tip for any young couples out there about to get married: do yourselves a favor and go speak to someone about your relationship! It's not so much about getting someone's approval, but more about learning how to navigate and prepare for life's crazyness TOGETHER. Seriously...do it. At the very least, it will be less awkward and more helpful than the Natural Family Planning sex talk from your church's most celebrated (and probably elderly) married couple.
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| Proof that we won't murder each other 4 months into the marriage :-) |
