Bridal Party 101: Nolen Deibert, Brides-Man Extrodinaire

Three for Three people...this may just last :-)
So I don't know about you, but whenever I go to a wedding I tend to wonder about the bridal party. Who are they? Where did they come from? Why in the world would they agree to wear matching outfits all day? I intend to shed some light on these important questions by profiling all of our attendants over the coming months.

He's quite excited...about everything!

The inaugural profile is of the most unique member of our bridal party, the Brides-Man. I'm generally not one to buck tradition, but the entire wedding situation didn't feel right without one of my best friends and biggest supporters standing up there with me. While JP is also good friends with Nolen, over the years he has become one of my nearest and dearest, despite the fact that he's been living half a world away in Asia for the past two and a half years. Will some people be like WTH is a dude doing on the brides side...possibly. Do we care...not in the slightest.

A Shot from the Early Years demonstrates we don't care about appearing normal at all

Nolen and I met in the infamous Regan Hall in August of 2004 when we both started college at CUA. We bonded one weekend when we were among the few students who chose not to go on the Freshman Retreat. History was made that weekend and we were pretty much inseparable for the next four years or so (minus summer and when Nolen studied abroad in Belgium). We braved USG, the Honors Environmental Science track, Pryz food, and finally entering the real world together during our time at CUA. Nolen was one of the brave souls that made a go of it in DC for the first year after college, but in order to gain valuable international experience so he can be an important diplomat someday, he moved to Korea and then China in early 2010. LUCKY FOR ME, he's headed back to the good old US of A for a couple of years to go to grad school...and help me pull this wedding off!

All three of us are INAPPROPRIATELY VERY close

So for your enjoyment...here are Nolen's answers to the best probing questions I could muster:

Interests: Filling out surveys about myself, Moving around Asia, Speaking Chinese at inappropriate moments to people who don't understand me

Favorite color: Light Urple (JW: It is very possible he meant purple...I chose to keep it like this for artistic reasons)

Note: This is definitely NOT warm milk with a little honey in Nolen's cup

When did you first know you'd have to show up at our wedding: Wait, I actually have to show up? This is going to be problematic...

Favorite Cocktail to get you in the Party Mood: A nice glass of warm milk with a little honey in it. (JW: This is absolute crap and he will pay for the answer he gave here...)

This sums up JP and Nolen's relationship fairly well

What is your favorite wedding movie/pop culture wedding moment: The marriage of the Sea Captain to his wooden mermaid on The Simpsons. (Or if we're getting sentimental, when gay marriage was legalized in DC)

Is there a song you can't wait to shake your grove thang to at the reception: Well, it's not MY grove thang that will be shaking (JW: doubtful...), but I am SERIOUSLY excited for Baby Got Back. Jill knows why...

This has got to be the only normal, attractive shot of us taken...EVER

If you could skip any normal wedding tradition...what would it be: Ugh the dollar shot dance or whatever. And the chicken dance. Oh and if you write your own vows I WILL LEAVE SO HELP ME

Chicken or Fish: Chicken, but only if it has been killed by being drowned in the ocean. SEA DEATHS FOR ALL THE CHICKEN.

The Dynamic Duo is more awkward awesome than pretty much anyone else

Any last thoughts you'd like the public to know: So since the rest of this has been fairly ridiculous, let's get real for a minute here. Jill and JP have been like mom and dad to me for the last couple of years. I've been traipsing all over the world, but it's been pretty excellent to know that Jill would be there for my 3am/3pm drunk chats, or that JP would be there for my "OH CRAP WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE" crises. So when they asked me to be in their wedding, it was a no-brainer. I'm so happy that they are making this commitment to each other, and so proud to be part of it. Congrats, Jill and JP!

Compiling a Wedding: Before The Fun Begins...

...you should probably realize that the wedding isn't the most important aspect of getting married. This was the idea my parents wanted to drill into our heads back in August 2010 when they gave us a most unusual engagement present. While everyone else was asking us when we were going to set a date, my parents wanted to make dead sure that we were preparing for marriage and not just a wedding by offering to pay for PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING (cue horror movie music).

You mean I have to WORK for my "happily ever after" once the wedding is over?

It was a strange engagement gift and we didn't know how to react initially to my parents suggestion. I will be totally honest with you though, in the months after this offer we had just about every emotion on the spectrum about the idea of seeing a counselor. I mean people see counselor's when they have problems...major problems right? JP and I couldn't really deny that our relationship was problem free, but up until this point we certainly had never considered couple's counseling. Plus, being Catholic, we were already going to have to deal with some sort of marriage preparation through the church. My Dad had been very adamant that we seek the services of a secular counselor rather than relying on the Pre-Cana program most Catholic churches offer, which tends to be slightly out of touch with the reality most young couples face. In the end, after roughly eight months of debate on the matter, we decided to give it a shot; after all if they were going to treat us to some head shrinking, we might as well indulge my parents. 

I went to the only wedding resource I knew about at this time (The Knot...duh), did a quick search, and found a counselor who would met our needs. Hindsight being 20/20, I feel like a little more research on the topic would have yielded faster results when the counseling part started, but it all worked out fairly well in the end. In May we had our first appointment set up with Emily Cook of The Lindsey Hoskins & Associates Couples & Family Therapy practice in Bethesda, MD. 

Throwing in a Little Product Placement...

Sessions with Emily were interesting to say the least...and very helpful if I'm totally honest. She used a program called Prepare & Enrich which involves the couple taking a really long exam where they agree or disagree with statements about themselves, their partners and their relationship. Through some sort of therapy magic it's scored and then evaluated throughout the various sessions. I won't lie...when I first saw our scores I was pretty disturbed as they seemed to suggest very strongly that JP and I weren't compatible. I learned pretty quickly that the results were not actually saying what I thought they were saying, but that we had some real relationship issues that needed to be worked through and discussed before we married each other.

As it turns out, premarital counseling was a great choice for us and a wonderful way to start the planning process for our wedding and lives. We walked away with some great communication tools and a better understanding of each other. Having a neutral third party who knew next to nothing about either of us who could mediate some of our ongoing conflicts was EXTREMELY helpful. We also learned that maybe we won't conform exactly to what society tells us we should be like as a couple...and that this is 100% ok. Maybe some people don't need this sort of reassurance, but I definitely think it was worth it for us.

Proof that we won't murder each other 4 months into the marriage :-)

With that I must officially and publicly thank my parents for their creative and thoughtful engagement gift. Also, I'm going to give my "Jill Warne Sanctioned and Totally Legit" tip for any young couples out there about to get married: do yourselves a favor and go speak to someone about your relationship! It's not so much about getting someone's approval, but more about learning how to navigate and prepare for life's crazyness TOGETHER. Seriously...do it. At the very least, it will be less awkward and more helpful than the Natural Family Planning sex talk from your church's most celebrated (and probably elderly) married couple.