Man Gripes: Catholicism gone Wild

So its Monday night, I've just gone grocery shopping and I either need to

a.) do my stats homework (which consists of a measly 3 problems)

b.) laundry (as I only have maybe 3 more clean pairs of underoos)

c.) vacuum

d.) update my calendar

INSTEAD I'M GOING TO BLOG AND THEN WATCH X-FILES!!!!!

Really I found this picture and it gave me some inspiration to write a Man Gripes blog I've had floating around my head for a while. So without further nonsense I present for your entertainment:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO CATHOLIC WHEN...YOU MAKE YOUR CAT FOLLOW CHURCH TEACHINGS!!!

So on Ash Wednesday this year I came back from class to find a weirdly sweaty pacing man in my living room. Don't worry...it was JP, but he'd been FASTING all day in order to properly observe Catholic teachings. I could write a whole OTHER Man Gripes blog about the weird contradictions and general strangeness that is JP's system of beliefs, but I won't...tonight.

Anyways, he looked like a huge crazed wreck like he usually does when he attempts to fast. He was hunched over, pacing and muttering to himself in the living room when I got home and frankly I was a little unsettled. Clearly, I tried to get him to eat (something modest... I know the rules of fasting in the Catholic Church call for one small meal on fasting days) as I was sure he hadn't eaten anything all day long and probably was going to pass out. As he was munching on some sort of small snack-meal, we discussed our days like you do when you live with a boy.

It was at this point that the cat came in and started meowing like he normally does because he's an attention whore.The strange part was that JP completely LOST it and started yelling some craziness about how Dean needed to stop being mad at him because it wasn't his fault the church makes us fast. Slowly, I put two and two together. The cat is yelling at us as if he's hungry...JP claims the cat is mad at him...there's zero leftover food in the cat bowl. I cut JP off mid rant,

Me: JP...did you feed the cat tonight?!!???

JP: Ummm that depends on your definition of "feed"

Me: ARE YOU FORCING OUR CAT TO FAST WITH YOU???

JP: No no no, of course not. That would be ridiculous!

Me: So why is he yowling like a demon...a demon that hasn't been fed?

JP: Well, I fed him less...otherwise there wouldn't be enough for Friday.

I want to point out that we have PLENTY of cat food between my future mother-in-law loading us down with extras and Targets 30 for $10 deals. This last statement JP put out there made no sense until I examined the contents of the cat food cabinet.

There was tons of chicken fillets

tons of beef cutlets

tons of turkey and gravy dinner

and only 2 cans of generic "white" bottom feeding fish they make into cat food

Thats right everyone. Dean is not allowed to eat meat on Fridays...because he's a Catholic kitty. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried people. We'll be taking him to confession during Lent where he can tell the priest about coughing up a hairball in JP's shoe. He'll be making his first communion any day now. JP claims to have baptized him with a squirt gun. I'm marrying a crazy cat-man.

We definitely made sure to stock up on tuna cat food tonight at the grocery store to ensure the continued safety of Dean's immortal soul.

God help me,

Jill

Cat Why Are You Spiting Me?

It's 4:30 am EST. I've been up since 4am... god damn it he just knocked over a fucking book. Dean has been non-stop action since we allowed him out of our office around 7pm tonight, thanks Steph great suggestion, next time stfu (Note from Jill: It was my idea too...I pushed it). Who is Dean you ask? Our new cat. Yeah Jill broke down and let me get one, or two as the case will soon be.

Dean Martin is a beautiful 6 month old Red Point (Flame) Colorpoint Shorthair. We rescued Dean through a wonderful organization, Siamese Rescue, whose goal is to help place Siamese in "furever" homes. Trust me that was only one of the many cutesy little names they give things, worst part is since adopting one herself my mother has adopted all these terms as her own. refrt (Dean wished to contribute here, of course he walks across the key board after just getting out of the litter box. AND OH LORD WHAT DID YOU LEAVE IN THERE? Kitty what you just did is an abomination in the eyes of god! Ok it smells like absolute shit in here right now so I'm taking a short break.)

Annnnnnnnd we're back. It doesn't help that Dean is just walking in front of me looking for affirmation to his successful use of the litter box (I mean he did cover). Anyone who sticks around long enough eventually finds out that I am an absolute cat person and beyond that (and trust me you can go waaaaaay beyond just being a cat person) I am a Siamese person. I am a slave to their every kitty whim... or so they believe. I will be 25 this fall and for almost all of those 25 years, with a few months being the exception, I have had a Siamese companion. I will always have a Siamese, just the way things are uin121222222 jmnnnnnnnnnn3 THOUGH THIS LITTLE ONE MIGHT NOT BE WITH US MUCH LONGER IF HE KEEPS JUMPING ON MY COMPUTER AND KEEPING ME AWAKE LIKE THIS!

Ughhhhh the curse of owning a Siamese, you are never alone... they always want to be all up in your business. Jill has had enough and has now locked Dean (and me I guess) out of the bedroom. While I disapprove of being thrown under the bus in this situation I guess I deserve it. See I kind of pulled a switcharoo on Jill, a bait-and-switch if you will. Jill has known for years that I want a cat of my own and for some time she has promised me one. Of course my request has always been a Siamese. Well when she finally moved in and we found out about the wonderful organization above (did I mention that donations to them are fully tax deductible or that toys/cat supplies bought in their store help go towards supporting their mission) it really filled two quotas, a Siamese for me and it would be a rescue for us.

Now as discussions heated up and our pending adoption of a cat became more of a reality we started to look towards younger cats and kittens. What I did not tell Jill, or rather failed to mention until the last possible minute (aka until after she had seen photos and videos of the kittens and I had "experts" backing me up) was that Siamese are a very social breed and kind of like pack dogs thrive when there are at least two of them. So really we were looking for two cats... oh my a small mistake on my part, an oversight I assure you (Jill's Note: IT WAS A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!).

As the reality of my deception, ugh I mean omission, became more prevalent an unforeseen opportunity passed our way. A friend of my mother's, from certain days when we would take our Siamese to a gathering of cats and at which certain cats were picked out for recognition of their superior breeding (Jills Note: CAT SHOWS EVERYONE...JP Walsh was once upon a time involved in the showing of Cats), offered us one of her new Siamese kittens! Well that solved our second cat issue. One rescued and the other a fully pedigreed Siamese, what more could I ask for? OTHER THAN THAT DEAN STOPS TREATING MY BUTT AND TOES AS CHEW TOYS.!.

So soon we will have two feline children to deal with, but at the present I will continue to deal with this furry terror that is keeping us, well only me now, awake. (Jill's Note: JP was awake because he REFUSED to shut the door to our room even after the cat had bitten our feet and practically ripped half the blinds off the window...MULTIPLE TIMES. While at some point I'm sure Dean will adjust to our schedule...I think its ok for now to say HEY entertain yourself for 8 hours without me!!!)