Man Gripes 2.0, Now with more Gripes!

So Jill is apparently getting back into the routine of posting which puts a little pressure on me to do the same. If she is going to talk about the wedding I feel it would be appropriate for me to do the same, with a repurposed series of Man Gripe posts. However, these "man gripes" will actually come from a man and are my actual gripes. Jill expressed frustration with me "taking over" the Man Gripes series, well tough... this is just one of the things Jill will have to get over as we continue our death march to the wedding day.

Before I begin let me channel our illustrious President by saying, let me be clear (whatever I write henceforth did not come through my own mind/work but through the efforts and minds of many people. I must think I'm so smart or something...), I look forward to our wedding day. I want to marry Jill. Anyone who takes the time and spends money on proposals, rings, vendors, ect. better damn well want to be married or they are utter fools.

But that in itself frustrates me, the cost and production of a wedding. And taking this gripe a few steps further, the hypocritical stance that most brides/wedding professionals hold over grooms and men in general; by this I mean the constant complaining about how they wish grooms were more involved, yet if the groom shows an interest or voices an opinion that contradicts an item or detail the professional or bride has already decided then they cry foul.

Friends, I'm not the kind of man who simply takes this type of BS sitting down. The phrases that boil my blood the most are the "you better get used to saying yes dear" or "enjoy your freedom to make decisions while it lasts" variety. When a man tells me this I want to backhand them, when a woman smiles and says the same thing I feel pity for their aversion to men with a spine. Obviously these men and women do not understand the wonderful mix of Irish and Sicilian blood that runs through my veins. While a Man should always seek to find a reasonable compromise to any situation, there comes a time when his opinion is based on a firmly held belief that cannot be forfeited or compromised upon. And if a bride or wedding professional's wants cross that line, woe be to them.

Man Gripes: Catholicism gone Wild

So its Monday night, I've just gone grocery shopping and I either need to

a.) do my stats homework (which consists of a measly 3 problems)

b.) laundry (as I only have maybe 3 more clean pairs of underoos)

c.) vacuum

d.) update my calendar

INSTEAD I'M GOING TO BLOG AND THEN WATCH X-FILES!!!!!

Really I found this picture and it gave me some inspiration to write a Man Gripes blog I've had floating around my head for a while. So without further nonsense I present for your entertainment:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO CATHOLIC WHEN...YOU MAKE YOUR CAT FOLLOW CHURCH TEACHINGS!!!

So on Ash Wednesday this year I came back from class to find a weirdly sweaty pacing man in my living room. Don't worry...it was JP, but he'd been FASTING all day in order to properly observe Catholic teachings. I could write a whole OTHER Man Gripes blog about the weird contradictions and general strangeness that is JP's system of beliefs, but I won't...tonight.

Anyways, he looked like a huge crazed wreck like he usually does when he attempts to fast. He was hunched over, pacing and muttering to himself in the living room when I got home and frankly I was a little unsettled. Clearly, I tried to get him to eat (something modest... I know the rules of fasting in the Catholic Church call for one small meal on fasting days) as I was sure he hadn't eaten anything all day long and probably was going to pass out. As he was munching on some sort of small snack-meal, we discussed our days like you do when you live with a boy.

It was at this point that the cat came in and started meowing like he normally does because he's an attention whore.The strange part was that JP completely LOST it and started yelling some craziness about how Dean needed to stop being mad at him because it wasn't his fault the church makes us fast. Slowly, I put two and two together. The cat is yelling at us as if he's hungry...JP claims the cat is mad at him...there's zero leftover food in the cat bowl. I cut JP off mid rant,

Me: JP...did you feed the cat tonight?!!???

JP: Ummm that depends on your definition of "feed"

Me: ARE YOU FORCING OUR CAT TO FAST WITH YOU???

JP: No no no, of course not. That would be ridiculous!

Me: So why is he yowling like a demon...a demon that hasn't been fed?

JP: Well, I fed him less...otherwise there wouldn't be enough for Friday.

I want to point out that we have PLENTY of cat food between my future mother-in-law loading us down with extras and Targets 30 for $10 deals. This last statement JP put out there made no sense until I examined the contents of the cat food cabinet.

There was tons of chicken fillets

tons of beef cutlets

tons of turkey and gravy dinner

and only 2 cans of generic "white" bottom feeding fish they make into cat food

Thats right everyone. Dean is not allowed to eat meat on Fridays...because he's a Catholic kitty. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried people. We'll be taking him to confession during Lent where he can tell the priest about coughing up a hairball in JP's shoe. He'll be making his first communion any day now. JP claims to have baptized him with a squirt gun. I'm marrying a crazy cat-man.

We definitely made sure to stock up on tuna cat food tonight at the grocery store to ensure the continued safety of Dean's immortal soul.

God help me,

Jill

Man Gripes: Leftovers Left Out

Hey look! I'm not dead Anonymous Internet Audience!!! The new goal is not go more than a month without a new entry! I can just get in under my goal if I post this today! We've been busy down here in the DC Metro area, entertaining guests, going to weddings, job hunting, cleaning my old apartment before giving the keys back, going to work and procrastinating writing another blog entry. But now all these things are over and I've decided to finally post an entry about LIVING with a boy, since as of last Saturday I now officially only have ONE apartment that I share with a male.

What a Winner...

I've tried to keep this blog light and humorous and fairly un-complainy thus far; however if I'm really going to give you an accurate portrayal of how it is living with a boy, I'm going to have to complain every once and a while. Tonight's gripe is about something that JP has done pretty much since the beginning of time that just makes my skin crawl: leaving food/dishes on the table for hours (days at times!) after a meal!!!! Since moving in together full time, we've really started to make an effort to cook dinner every week night and sit down at the table for a meal. This is a really nice tradition and it sort of makes me feel like an adult and not some slovenly college student.

Typical "Slovenly College Student"...love you Tom, this picture was too good not to use!

We generally sit down together, say grace, have a somewhat healthy meal, and sometimes even a nice conversation. After we're both full though, the awkwardness begins! Here's a sample of a typical after dinner conversation:

JP: Are you done?

Jill: Yeah, I've been done eating for 15 minutes now. What should we do with all this left over food [because we always ALWAYS make too much food...neither of us has mastered the art of cooking for two], I can't eat any more of it.

JP proceeds to eat more of the leftover food until he literally goes into a food coma at the table.

Jill: This is ridiculous, you're not even hungry!

JP: We will not waste ANYTHING!!!!

Jill: Ok I'll put the dishes in the sink [since JP does most of the cooking, I generally feel obligated to do the dishes], but can you pack up the extra food?

JP: Yeah I'll get to it. Goes into the living room or office and occupies himself with something else.

An Hour later...

Jill: JP!!! Did you put the food away??

JP: Give me just a minute I'm right at the exciting part/killing some zombies/doing something important [but generally not doing something that couldn't wait for 5 minutes]!!!!!!!!!!!

Jill: GROOOOOAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

Around 11:30 when I retire for the evening to the bedroom...

Jill: JP THIS FOOD HAS BEEN SITTING OUT FOR HOURS!!!! Its not even recognizable as food anymore!!!

JP: Its fine...quit yelling

Jill: ummm no its not fine...theres dairy in this and its been sitting out for over 5 hours!

JP: its fine...I just ate like half of it 15 minutes ago.

Jill: ...I'm going to pretend you didn't just tell me that and go to bed now.

The next morning...

The food is still sitting there totally hardened, but definitely picked over and half eaten

Jill:

YES, I could have put the food away myself...I do realize this. Its really one of those "Its the principle of the thing" situations though! Maybe he'll learn to properly store food someday...until then I just hope he will continue to cook. He is very good at that...