From Hot Mess to Just Hot...

WHAT UP SECOND REGULAR BLOG POST!!!!!!!! WARNING: This post is very, VERY, EXTREMELY, self-indulgent! Either get over it...or wait until my next post!

Always nice to revisit old memes right?

So this is a new segment I'd like to introduce to my blog to chronicle the evolution of "Jill Warne, 20 Something Mess" into "Jillian L.W. Walsh, Successful, Winning, Adult". This is a project I've started and totally disregarded about seven billion times before, but its one that frankly cannot wait any longer. My transformation must begin righhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht NOW.

A close friend and I (you know who you are beezy) decided one sad day when we both seemed to be failing at pretty much every aspect of our lives that we should become and then write a book about becoming modern day trophy wives. It seemed like a GREAT IDEA at first...then it seemed like women everywhere would swoop in and take our Free & Independent Woman cards for even suggesting an idea of this nature. Soon after that, a matronly and sassy woman who resembles Oprah or Hillary Clinton would slap us in the face and say "YOU DON'T NEED TO BE WIVES TO BE TROPHIES YOU CRAZY BITCHES," then z-snap and fly off in a hover car or some other awesome technologically fancy vehicle us normal humans wouldn't have access to.

QEII would also work in this scenario...look at this expression of disdain!

So because I'd lose what little credibility I have with the ladies everywhere, I've decided to entitle this personal self-improvement project "From Hot Mess to Just Hot" wherein I will seek to metamorphosize myself into a capable adult who could plan awesome parties, raise a child, manage a team of people, maintain a healthy lifestyle, wear make-up regularly, correct someone wittily, keep a plant alive for more than 2 weeks and/or get out of bed in the morning and exude excellence.

Like this dude...Except Female!

All self-deprecating humor aside, when I turned 20 I felt like I could conquer the world with a smile and a college degree. The past six years of this decade of my life have left me feeling somewhat beaten down and discouraged. I've changed a lot (sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse) but I really need to a) believe that a self-assured and confident Jill is buried underneath the wear and tear and b) that I can resurrect her like a phoenix from the ashes. Frankly, if I'm about to add a permanent partner to my life I feel like I should at least have all of my life-components working smoothly! In the end, its not about changing myself but about getting rid of all the clutter and exposing the awesome person I am to the world again (cheesy I know...I don't know why you're complaining though. YOU chose to read this drivel!).

So here are the goals...its always good to have goals right? They will change...and you will get to watch them change assuming I keep updating this blog!

• For the Body: drop more weight, cook more food, visit the gym more often
• For the Habitat: clean regularly, decorate/add personal touches, get a plant
• For the Mind: find a new job, finish grad school, set actual career goals, READ
• For the Youthful Glow: remember how to use make-up, actually take care of my hair, skin care, wardrobe
• For the Soul: volunteer or just use spare time doing other things than watching Netflix

Will I actually follow through with any of these? You'll just have to tune in next week...same bat time...same bat channel.

MY BIG, FAT, SHAMELESS PLUG

What up Internet? I posted last week...I'm posting again this week...its a beautiful thing so far (let's ignore the timestamp and the fact that I'm CLEARLY writing this at work on my mid-afternoon procrastination break...count your blessings eh?). I was going to write a post about a new (weird) dimension of JP's relationship with our cat Dean, but in light of some recent events in a dear friend's life, I've decided to go with this entry instead. Skip ahead about 3 paragraphs if you just want to come to the point of all this!

If you know me at all, you know that I'm on a pretty much endless quest to lose weight/tone up/not be a fat slob. Though I've always been a near perfect representation of the stunning German brick-house physique, at one point I KNOW that I was able to wear clothes in the single digit size range. At one point in my life my mid-section could have been described as "petite" and the term "thunder thighs" applied to me in a minimal way. Then I was dumped by a high school boyfriend, ate my feelings, went to college, discovered the many joys of alcohol, and generally dove head first down the slippery slope of lazy 20somethinghood. I have been off and on weight watchers more times than I care to remember, made countless resolutions (and attempts!) to hit the gym regularly, and generally vow each month that THIS is the month I'm going to get in shape. Sob sob sob, cry me a river, I'm such a fatty, PLEASE LOVE ME ANYWAYS...I clearly use humor (poorly) as a defense mechanism to deal.

So the other day I'm waddling through the Target plus-size section armed with a candy bar and Styrofoam cup of gravy (Did she actually do this? Do she really drink gravy? Dear God must she really buy plus sized clothes?? Is this two truths and a lie?...well I'm not going to tell you because I think its funnier that way!!!), it hit me that I'm preparing to marry someone with serious political aspirations, meaning that at some point in my adult life I may be expected to look presentable on camera or meet important people. This thought scared me so much I dropped my beverage/gravy all over a rack of stretch pants! I said to myself, "Jill, not only are you awkward as all hell, but you're kind of a pudgy tomboy too!!! It's time to PULL IT TOGETHER WOMAN...and probably time to stop talking to yourself in the midst of Target!"

After being kicked out of Target, (for real? is she lying?) I went straight home and registered for the first (flattest) 5K race in the District I could find. I know what you're thinking,
"Jill, do you even know how long a 5k is?"
"Jill, do you know that you're expected to RUN?"
"Jill, why do you continue to make rash decisions without thinking them through at all?"
My answer to all of your skeptical questions is YES (3.1 Miles), YES (I'm training ALMOST regularly), and I have no idea, but I'm giving it a go anyways! I may end up looking like a total tool, but maybe I'll actually start to get in shape after 7 years of putting it off. Maybe as a result someday, I won't totally disgust important person that JP's job requires us to dine with. Maybe my asthma will eat up my lungs by mile two...who knows?? It will be quite the adventure though...


HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be running in the Race For Hope 5k on May 1st, in downtown Washington DC. The Race for Hope is a big fundraiser for the National Brain Tumor Society, and in addition to getting my butt in shape for this, I'm trying to raise a small amount of money for them. If you can find it in your heart (wallet) to donate a little to my cause, I'd be eternally grateful. To do so, please go to my personal page http://www.braintumorcommunity.org/goto/jillianwarne and follow the instructions there. Seriously...even if its like a dollar every bit helps. Thanks for all the support everyone!!!

Tune in next week when I describe how JP, the cat, and tuna fish all combine to make my life a little more ridiculous...

Love,
Jill